Simon’s Backup Weblog


Evil seagulls

Posted in Uncategorized by Simon Bisson on July 29, 2004

Why do seagulls look so evil close up?

I have just been eyed up by one that walked by outside the window. This one seemed even more evil than usual, and appeared to be plotting world domination – with a very dangerous gleam in its beady little eyes.

Be very afraid.

The filthy seagull, it plans!

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6 Responses to 'Evil seagulls'

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  1. fraserspeirs said,

    Why do seagulls look so evil close up?

    Because they are pure avian evil. Pure.

  2. ivory_goddess said,

    That’s one of the problems with holidaying in the UK near the coast – too many bloody seagulls! En masse they look, if possible, even more evil.

    I think partly its that they’re so damn big.

  3. elimloth said,

    They look evil because they *are* evil. Selene and I visited Victoria B.C. for the 4th of July. We were walking down the street when one of those foul creatures on a bombing run let loose a volley of their worst digest. Accurate to the millimeter, the stuff landed across my back. Thankfully I had just bought a new shift and the storekeeper was kind enough to let me clean up and dress anew.

    Rene

  4. andrewducker said,

    The King/Straub novel Talisman starts off with a seagull tearing open a mussel on a beach. It’s a hauntingly disturbing scene.

    Whenever I see birds nowadays I’m reminded that they’re reptiles with feathers.

    Evil fuckers.

  5. quercus said,

    I’ve been eating lunch in the parks of Bath lately (and soon I hope to get the dog-on-a-string too). One in particular has a problem with seagull(s), although I think it’s just the one cheeky little bugger. This thing is like a flying penknife, with a big yellow can opener poking out the front.

    So a week or two back, I grabbed it. Right round the schnozz. I stared right back into the beaky little beady-eyed bastard and told it in no uncertain terms to fuck the hell off out of my sandwich. For one brief moment I was the De Niro of herring gulls (assuming that gulls have Mafia movies).

    Then I realised I was now holding a very sharp beak by the nose and had no idea what the hell I was supposed to do next. So I hoyed it as best I could. If you throw a gull sideways, they fly like a brick for a couple of yards, then recover and fly off squawking in a satisfactorily annoyed manner.

    Much recommended. But you can probably only catch any particular gull once.

  6. blufive said,

    While holidaying in Jersey, and I sat eating our butties in Royal Square.

    Pigeons would just sidle up and cautiously peck at our crumbs, recoiling in panic if we so much as twitched.

    The seagulls walked up, stood at our feet, and looked straight at our food.

    As pointed out, they look nasty because they ARE evil, greedy, bastards. Make an infernal din, too.

    I laughed like a drain when I realised that the flock in Finding Nemo was saying “Mine! Mine!” Dead-on characterisation.


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